Hello loved ones. I apologize for being so absent but this whole trying to get seven hours of sleep every night thing has been well, exhausting. (See what I did there?) The other problem is that a few weeks ago my computer crashed, taking my running document of blog ideas along with it.
While e-mailing with a friend a few days ago he said “Keep on blogging - those posts/lists fuel us!” I replied: “I know I have been trying to write one for weeks-my computer crashed so all of my ideas I jotted down went right with it. Hopefully something will strike me today!” and he said “Top 10 things to do when your computer crashes :)” So since I am fresh out of inspiration, I am now taking requests. I hope that this never happens to you and if it does, that you have diligently backed up your files but just in case-here are 7 things to do when your computer crashes.
1. Ignore the Signs
So the beginning of the end for my hard drive happened when I spilled an entire mug of coffee on it a few weeks before the actual crash (yeah I know). Despite many suggestions of homemade fixes, I shut it down and took it directly to a computer guy I found Craigslist. In retrospect, he could have easily murdered me but a 5 star Yelp rating is about all you need to earn my trust these days. I walked into his apartment (the more I think about it, the happier I am to be alive), told him what happened, and he immediately began taking it apart. He did some diagnostic tests and returned it to me saying all was well but it was a good thing I brought it to him when I did. I was grateful that he saved the closest thing I have to a child (sad but true) however as the weeks passed I knew that something was off; the fan was extra loud, a few documents disappeared, and the rainbow wheel was getting a little too familiar. It was the precursor to a bad breakup and I was just ignoring all the signs that my MacBook Pro was about to break my heart.
2. Try to Save a Sinking Ship
It’s going to be too little too late but that won’t stop you from trying. Subconsciously I must have known that the end was near so I decided that I better back up everything on iCloud which I have on my phone but not my computer? (Still not 100% sure what iCloud is) I was still wildly unclear but knew that before I could do anything I had to do a software update. And so it began…
After doing the software update my computer automatically restarted but said that the hard disc would not support…ok I don’t really remember the jargon but it was no bueno. I couldn’t get to my desktop which is never a good sign.
3. Freak Out
Once you finally realize that there is definitely something wrong it’s time to completely lose your shit. I’m talking major temper tantrum, panic attack, or uncontrollable laughter- really any type of extreme emotional response will do. Anything you’ve typed for work in the last year? GONE. The most updated copy of your resume? GOOD LUCK REINVENTING YOURSELF. Stress eat, don’t eat, cry, listen to some Alanis-whatever you need to do because things are about to get real grim up in here.
4. Get Advice from Everyone
Once you realize that your sophisticated plan of turning the computer on and off is not going to work, start talking to anyone/everyone that you know for advice on what to do. Some will tell you take it directly to the Mac store but why would you listen to that rational thought? Go with the people who suggest putting your computer in a giant bag of rice or holding it over your head for 10 minutes. These fun misadventures will provide a few hours of distraction from the cruel cruel reality that your beloved friend and confidant is beyond repair. (Am I making my relationship with my computer sound weird? Because it kind of is.)
Once you realize that your computer is fried and beyond saving even from the most tech savvy person in your office, you can begin to heal. Sure all hope is lost but this acceptance will allow you to mourn (now might be a better time for Alanis) . Pack up your damaged goods and prepare for the long pilgrimage to the computer store.
Adulthood Not Backing Up
By now you’ve accepted your fate, but need a professional diagnosis to make things official. This means taking your computer to an expert, who is going to tell you what you already know and then ask the age old question: “You’ve backed up right?” So they’ve already worded the question in a way that assumes your answer will be yes. WELL GUESS WHAT MAC PEOPLE? I might have health insurance and a 401k but sometimes I eat frozen yogurt for dinner and don’t back up the files on my computer, OKAY?! By the time I made it to the Apple store I had been on such an emotional roller coaster that I finally reached a serene place where I didn’t even offer any excuses. Although if I’m honest, a few did cross my mind: “While I had backed up but my lion dog ate the entire thing…”
6. Keep a Straight Face
If you have a Mac like me, than I promise that the person who’s going to help you at the genius bar is going to be a hipster cartoon that you could not imagine in your wildest dreams. Keep it together. This is the one person who can at the very least get your purchased iTunes back. I had a Persian man-boy with equally thick glasses and mustache but dude knew his stuff.
7. Start Fresh
Try to see the silver lining. Sure you failed as a computer owner and adult, but you’ve been granted a blank slate, a chance to do things better. Maya Angelou once said “When you know better, you do better.” and although she probably wasn’t talking about dumb 20-somethings and their lack of external hard drives, I think it still applies here. Use this as an opportunity to start anew like this chick. (Just maybe think twice about the lime green yoga pants.)